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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28671303">Confessions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddienole/pseuds/maddienole'>maddienole</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mr. Mistoffelees is Quaxo (Cats), Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:15:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28671303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddienole/pseuds/maddienole</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Jellicle Ball is over, and Tugger has something important to tell a certain magical cat.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger (Cats), Munkustrap &amp; Rum Tum Tugger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic was originally written last February with the intention of using it for my current longfic, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23138614/chapters/55371916">A Tale of Two Magicians</a>. Of course - as what tends to happen with longfics - the plot and characters have changed significantly since then, and this fic no longer fits in with the story I want to tell. </p><p>It's been sitting in my docs for months now, so I figured I would just post it as a separate one-shot that can be read on its own.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Jellicle Ball was over, and aside from some<em> minor </em>mishaps, it went over smoothly. Macavity, after kidnapping the Jellicle's leader, Old Deuteronomy, disappeared for the remainder of the night. Their leader was returned through the intervention of the Magical Mr. Mistoffelees (known by the common folk as Quaxo), and the Jellicle choice was made soon after. Now - <em>as the sun began to rise</em> - the Jellicles dispersed, some back to their dens, others to their human homes.</p><p>The Rum Tum Tugger took his time, rubbing noses with the kittens, biding his fan club goodbye as they too shuffled back to get some well-deserved sleep after the night's festivities. He nodded towards his elder brother, who was being tended to by his mate, Demeter. Munkustrap's wounds from his fight with Macavity were still quite noticeable and no doubt painful, though the grey tabby would never admit as much.</p><p>But Tugger was not quite satisfied to retire just yet, he had one more stop to make. He had looked for the small tuxedo everywhere, so far with no success. He briefly considered questioning Victoria, Quaxo's closest friend (aside from himself, of course), but the white ballerina seemed quite invested in her new mate Plato, and Tugger didn't want to bother them.</p><p>He did eventually spot him, curled up near an overturned couch at the far end of the junkyard.</p><p>
  <em>Interesting.</em>
</p><p>"I didn't realize you switched dens," Tugger joked, approaching the small tom.</p><p>Quaxo raised his head, eyes bleary. "The walk seemed a bit much," he murmured in return, voice wavering - if only slightly.</p><p>Tugger was not normally one to be concerned over such discrepancies, but this was <em>Quaxo</em>.</p><p>"Are you alright, sparkles?" he asked hesitantly, trying to remain impassive but failing to do so.</p><p>Quaxo quirked an eyebrow, a soft smile appearing on his face. "I will be, just tired is all."</p><p>"Is it the magic?"</p><p>He nodded, stifling a yawn. "I've never used that much before. I didn't realize the toll it would have on my body."</p><p>Tugger sat beside him, giving a quick lick to the smaller tom's ear. "You hardly ever do. But you were amazing, you know. Just...amazing."</p><p>Quaxo's smile grew.</p><p>"With <em>your</em> help, of course."</p><p>"Ah, well..."</p><p>"How did you come up with that song, anyways?" Quaxo cut in gently.</p><p>
  <em>I wrote it for you.</em>
</p><p>That's what he<em> wanted</em> to say. It was the truth, that the lyrics were running through his head long before last night. He had spent many hours pouring over them, perfecting them.</p><p>But that wasn't what he said.</p><p>"They...just came to me."</p><p>Quaxo paused, looking as though he wanted to question him further, but eventually decided not to. Tugger wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved.</p><p>"I couldn't have done it without you," the small tux finally said, breaking the silence that fell over the two toms.</p><p>Now it was Tugger's turn to smile. "Don't underestimate yourself, kit. All I did was give you the confidence to do something you were always able to do."</p><p>Another yawn.</p><p>Tugger stood up, helping Quaxo up as well.</p><p>"C'mon, you can recuperate in my den. It's closer than yours."</p><p>"I don't want to impose..."</p><p>"It's not a bother, kit, I promise."</p><p>"I'm <em>not </em>a kit."</p><p>Tugger sighed.</p><p>"No. I supposed you aren't, are you? Force of habit."</p><p>Truth is, it didn't seem too long ago that Quaxo <em>was</em> a kit. A tiny little thing, terribly shy and panic prone, especially when his magic had gone awry. Tugger, as one of the few in the tribe that knew about his magic, had spent many months helping him to learn how to control his abilities. Quaxo was still learning, but after tonight he displayed a newfound confidence - <em>cemented in his victory in conjuring back Old Deuteronomy -</em> and further aided by the overwhelming support of the rest of the tribe.</p><p>Tugger had changed too, though he had difficulty admitting it to himself. His feelings towards the small tuxedo had shifted over the months, transforming from a deep friendship, rooted in mutual respect and ease of conversation, to perhaps something more.</p><p>It wasn't a feeling Tugger was quite comfortable with. He played, he teased, he admired. He had been physically intimate with several queens, and even a tom or two. But he couldn't say he <em>loved</em> them, not really.</p><p>Love as a concept in itself wasn't foreign to him - he loved his father and his brother. But in the case of Old Deuteronomy, Tugger wasn't quite sure if he could distinguish the feeling of love from the feelings of admiration. He<em> admired</em> his father, surely. He respected him. Every Jellicle did, but did that mean he loved him?</p><p>Nonetheless, Tugger made the determination that familial love should be differentiated from the love towards a partner or mate. And it was that in itself that Tugger found himself treading unfamiliar territory. It...unnerved him. For a cat that prided himself on his cool, unattached demeanor, his so-called lackadaisical (in Munkustrap's words) approach to whatever life decided to throw at him, the thought of traversing an entire new emotional state, especially in regards to the cat who could only be considered as his best friend, <em>terrified</em> him.</p><p>It would have been easier if he had fallen in love with Electra, Etcetera, or even Jemima. The three she-kits adored him, and gave Tugger the attention that he craved.</p><p>But Quaxo? The conjurer had never fallen prey to Tugger's charm and outward sociability.</p><p>
  <em>Vague and aloof, indeed.</em>
</p><p>Perhaps that was why Tugger was so drawn to him. Even as a kit, the tuxedoed tom had displayed an unusual sense of maturity and wit. He wasn't easy to please, and never tried to imitate Tugger or his mannerisms like the other young toms. In fact, he seemed positively uninterested in the pursuit of the opposite sex.</p><p>"Are you alright, Tug?" Quaxo asked, shaking the Maine-Coon out of his reverie.</p><p>"Hmmm? Yeah, I'm fine."</p><p>Quaxo raised his eyebrows but said nothing.</p><p>The two cats slowly made their way to Tugger's den, Quaxo leaning heavily on the larger tom. He would be lying if he said Quaxo's lethargy didn't concern him at all. But he knew better. He knew that excessive amounts of magic came at a cost. It terrified him at first. The first time Quaxo used an extensive amount of magic was to put on a show for Victoria's birthday, lights, colors, things flying all over the place. It was beautiful, but exhaustive. The tuxedo tom went to bed, and didn't wake up for almost two days. The entire clan was on edge - Tugger and Victoria rarely left his side. But it was his body's way of recuperating after such a high expenditure of energy, and eventually Tugger got used to it.</p><p>His den was rather spacious for a single cat, though rather messy and unorganized. He gathered some blankets and made a makeshift nest for Quaxo, the small tux gave him a weak smile as he sank to the floor. Tugger sat himself next to him, the two toms sharing in each other's warmth.</p><p>"Tug?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"This is where we first met."</p><p>Tugger chuckled softly. "Yeah. I suppose you're right."</p><p>It almost felt like yesterday when Munkustrap came into this very den and saddled Tugger with babysitting the tiny tux. The two toms almost ended up as prey for a wandering pollicle, but it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.</p><p>
  <em>Or could it be more?</em>
</p><p>He <em>wanted</em> it to be, he realized.</p><p>He curled his tail around the small tux's body. Quaxo didn't seem to mind, though his exhaustion was palpable and he may just not have the energy to complain.</p><p>
  <em>Or maybe you are overthinking things.</em>
</p><p>He needed to tell him. He needed to tell him how he felt. He wasn't quite sure why it had to be tonight, but it just...<em>felt</em> right. Magic was in the air, maybe the Jellicle moon was influencing the Maine Coon more than he thought. Tugger had never been this nervous before in his life.</p><p>
  <em>Am I shaking?</em>
</p><p>He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.</p><p>"Tux?"</p><p>"Hmm?" Quaxo responded sleepily.</p><p>"I...uh. Well it's just...we've known each other a while now, haven't we?"</p><p>"Since I can remember," he mumbled into blankets beneath him.</p><p>"Yeah, I guess I've known you since we were both kits. And, well..."<br/>
<em><br/>
Why am I so bad at this?</em></p><p>All things considered. Tugger <em>shouldn't</em> be bad at this. There was never a situation in which he didn't have something to say, and he certainly had plenty of experience wooing cats to his den. But<em> this</em>...this was different. This was genuine. And this was terrifying.</p><p>"We've had a lot of good times together," he finally began. "And you've become a really good friend of mine. Well, my <em>best</em> friend if we're being honest. And I wake up every day and you're always the first thing I think about. I mean... you're <em>amazing</em>, Quaxo. What you can do, the things you create. And even if you didn't have magic, you're still amazing. Clever and earnest...and snarky..."</p><p>
  <em>I'm rambling.</em>
</p><p>He paused, taking another breath.</p><p>
  <em>Calm, down. Just calm down and get to the point.</em>
</p><p>The point. What was the point again?</p><p>"What I'm trying to say is..."</p><p>
  <em>I think I'm in love with you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think I'm in love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm in love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everlasting, just get on with it.</em>
</p><p>"I <em>love</em> you, tux," he unceremoniously burst out. "I really do. And not in the familial type of way or like the <em>you're my best friend</em> type of way. I mean...<em>love</em> love you. Like... how mates love one another."</p><p>
  <em>Smooth Tugger.</em>
</p><p>Nonetheless, he pressed on.</p><p>"And this type of thing is kind of new to me, but I can't think of another way to describe my feelings towards you. I guess...well I guess that's all I have to say."</p><p>Silence again filled the air. Tugger felt himself tense up.</p><p>"...Quaxo?"</p><p>
  <em>Why isn't he saying anything?</em>
</p><p>Tugger hesitated making eye contact with him, terrified of what he may see.</p><p>
  <em>Is he mad? Does he hate me?</em>
</p><p>Tugger finally spared a glance at the tiny tux.</p><p>No, he wasn't mad at him.</p><p>He was asleep.</p><p>Soundly, it looked like, the tuxedo tom was borrowed comfortably in Tugger's side.</p><p>Tugger wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. He had just poured his heart out and Quaxo wasn't even awake to hear it. Maybe it was a sign that things just weren't meant to be. Or maybe he just should have waited for a time after Quaxo had recuperated. Regardless, it stung a little, even though he knew it wasn't Quaxo's fault that sleep overtook him.</p><p>He was just about to turn in himself when a noise permeated the room.</p><p>"Tugger? I...uh...oh," Munkustrap said, looking a little confused at the scene in front of him.</p><p>Tugger groaned.</p><p>"Excellent timing as always, dear brother."</p><p>"Finally bored him to death, eh?"</p><p>
  <em>The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore.</em>
</p><p>He knew Quaxo meant it in jest, or at least he hoped he did. He played it off during the performance, but the young tux's words kept running through his head.</p><p>
  <em>He didn't mean it, right?</em>
</p><p>Maybe he was overthinking things again. But clearly Munkustrap didn't forget it. His elder brother recognized the acidic look on the Maine Coon's face, and quickly backtracked.</p><p>"It's a <em>joke</em>, Tugger. A joke. Demeter said I needed to lighten up more..."</p><p>"Well can you lighten up somewhere else?” Tugger growled in response. "Why are you here anyways?"</p><p>The grey tabby threw Tugger's spiked collar across the room.</p><p>"You left that monstrosity in front of father's tire."</p><p>Tugger raised an eyebrow. "And you decided to bring it back now?”</p><p>"What better time is there?"</p><p>Tugger moved carefully, trying to avoid waking Quaxo as he untangled himself from the tiny tux. Quaxo gave a soft mew in protest at the loss of his source of warmth, but didn't wake.</p><p>Tugger grabbed his collar from where Munk tossed it, tightening it back around his neck before turning back to his older brother.</p><p>"Why are you really here?"</p><p>"Why must you think I have some ulterior motive to visit my little brother?"</p><p>Tugger crossed his arms. "When don't you?"</p><p>"Now that's not fair," Munk frowned. "There are few cats in this world that I care about more than you, Tugger. Is it so hard to believe that I wanted to check on you?"</p><p>Tugger sighed, rubbing at his eyes. He knew Munk cared, probably<em> too</em> much to be honest. If anything, the Jellicle protector should have been focusing on himself tonight, given his numerous injuries at Macavity's claws.</p><p>Then again, it was just... <em>so</em> like him to put the well-being of others in front of his own.</p><p>"No, you're right, Munk. I'm sorry, really. I've just had a long night."</p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?"</p><p>"Not really."</p><p>The grey tabby smiled. "Great. Let's begin."</p><p>"What part of..."</p><p>"I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say whatever's bothering you has to do with our little conjuring friend?" Munk interrupted, looking at the sleeping tux.</p><p>"Now whatever gave you that idea?"</p><p>"What happened?" the Jellicle protector asked, lowering his voice.</p><p>"None of your business," he responded gruffly, trying to usher his brother out of the den.</p><p>Munk didn't budge. "<em>What</em> happened?"</p><p>"Why must you always insert yourself into my problems?"</p><p>"Because you'll never solve them on your own," the grey tabby responded with a shrug of his shoulders. "I find talking to be a rather therapeutic endeavor."</p><p>"For you."</p><p>"Tug."</p><p>"No."</p><p>"I'm <em>not</em> going to leave until you talk."</p><p>He meant it. Munkustrap would never admit it, but he could be incredibly stubborn when the situation called for it.</p><p>And this was apparently a situation that called for it.</p><p>"I'll sit here all night if..."</p><p>"I told him I loved him," Tugger cut in hastily.</p><p>Munkustrap's eyes widened. "Oh."</p><p>"Oh? That's all you have? Aren't you...I don't know. Surprised? Upset? Emotive in any way possible?"</p><p>"Why would I be upset?" Munk questioned cautiously.</p><p>Tugger threw up his arms in frustration. "I don't know! That seems to be your default setting these days. And, well...I know you and father were waiting for me to finally settle down with a respectable queen and all that..." he trailed off.</p><p>His older brother gave him a weak smile. "Does Quaxo make you happy, Tugger?"</p><p>"More than anything," he whispered.</p><p>Munk tentatively took a step forward, and upon receiving no response from the over-tired Maine Coon, placed a paw on the younger cat's shoulder.</p><p>"Then it shouldn't matter what father wants. Or I, for that matter. Though I am slightly offended you think I'd be against such a union. There have been toms who have mated with other toms before. It might not be common, but it certainly isn't unheard of. I'm just glad you've found someone to be happy with."</p><p>"See...that's the problem."</p><p>Munk frowned.</p><p>"What problem? Did he not return your feelings?"</p><p>Tugger tensed slightly.</p><p>"He...well, he didn't return anything. He fell asleep before I told him."</p><p>A pause. Then a chuckle. Now it was Tugger's turn to frown.</p><p>"Pray tell, brother mine, what you find so funny about this situation?"</p><p>Munk sniffled, clearing his throat. "<em>That's</em> what's got you in such a mood? Can't you just tell him again when he wakes up?"</p><p>"It's...it's not that easy."</p><p>"And why not?"</p><p>Tugger sighed, rubbing at his temples in an attempt to ward off a quickly forming headache. "I don't know, Munk. I'm just not good at the whole <em>love </em>thing. It was hard enough doing it the first time."</p><p>"Do you love him?"</p><p>"Didn't we just establish..."</p><p>"<em>Do you love him?</em>” the Jellicle protector cut in.</p><p>
  <em>Bastard.</em>
</p><p>"Yes," he replied softly.</p><p>"Then don't think about it. Just do. Actually, not thinking about things is right up your alley. Shouldn't be hard."</p><p>"I'm assuming there's a point in there somewhere?"</p><p>"Everlasting Cat, Tug! Do you know how long it took for me to confess my feelings for Demeter?"</p><p>"Quite a while, if I recall."</p><p>"Exactly. Even now I think of all the times we could have spent together, times wasted because I was too scared to make a move. Look, you can't control what Quaxo thinks of you, or how he would react if or when you tell him. The only thing you can control is yourself. Don't overthink things, Tugger, that's my job. You say you love him, then<em> tell</em> him. You summed up enough courage to do it once, you can certainly do it again. Don't let your life be overrun by fear of what other cats think of you."</p><p>Tugger nodded tiredly. "You know, Munk? Maybe I'll just do that."</p><p>"My little brother actually listening to my advice? Thought I'd never see the day."</p><p>"You know what they say? Even a broken clock is right twice a day."</p><p>"You've been spending too much time around the humans."</p><p>"Don't insult me."</p><p>Munk stepped in further, hugging his brother before Tugger could think to protest. Maybe it wasn't the wisest course of action – the grey tabby winced as he drew away, still bothered by his injuries.</p><p>"You should really get those looked at, big brother," Tugger said, trying to not let the concern show in his voice.</p><p>"I know," he responded. "I just need to know that everyone here is alright. Macavity spooked a lot of cats, especially the younger ones. I doubt this'll be the last time he shows up here."</p><p>"We'll be ready for him if he does," Tugger said firmly. "Now go rest."</p><p>Munk smiled weakly. "Since when did you become the responsible one?"</p><p>"Don't get used to it."</p><p>Munk started back towards his den.</p><p>"Oh and Tugger?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Good luck."</p><p>"Thanks Munk," he whispered, not loud enough for his elder brother to hear.</p><p>He took a deep breath before entering back into his den. Quaxo was still sound asleep, swallowed in blankets. His loud conversation with Munk didn't arouse him from his magic-induced coma, though very few things could. He would just have to wait it out.</p><p>Tugger curled up in his nest, trying not to let all the thoughts and concerns swirling around in his head prevent him from getting some well deserved shut-eye. He closed his eyes just as dawn broke, struggling to get comfortable. As sleep finally beckoned him into its clutches, Tugger swore - somewhere in the back of his conscious mind - that he could hear shuffling in the room. The sound of tiny pawsteps against the floor of his den. The feel of a warm body pressing against his side. A voice - small and vague and aloof, saying "I love you, too." </p><p>And Tugger smiles.</p>
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